I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
