its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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