I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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