I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
