you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
