we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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