At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
