omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
