the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
