You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
