how can u be prego again
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
