Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Help. Why am I so naked?
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