Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
