can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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