we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
