if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
