gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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