i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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