saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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