This is not my ceiling
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
