evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
