Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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