Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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