Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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