He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
