In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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