So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
