I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
