have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
smell my finger.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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