Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
