dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
