so explain again why im purple
no
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
