I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
