All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
