What a fucking waste of an outfit
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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