Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
