I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
