i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
