She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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