the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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