I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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