you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
