She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
