Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
