she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
