you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
