I'm going to jail i love you
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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