I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
