How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
