Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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