I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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