so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
