Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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