saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
