do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
