I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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