i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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