Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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