even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
