My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
