god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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