I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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