I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
