even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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